Recently I have been thinking of the number one thing I’ve been thankful for, thus causing me to show an older blog. It is so helpful to remember how your heart felt inside when you were lost, and then found. (note- I shared this peace during the summer of 2015)
Yep. The big 3-0 was this last weekend. Now stop right now. I’ll save you trouble and do the math for you. I’m 48. Great time recognizing most of the faces. Just don’t ask me if I could instantly pop their names out. As I looked at each face, I couldn’t grin enough. Before I wrote in my journal today about that reunion, I couldn’t help but look into my older journal that holds all of my high school thoughts. Reading my last writing that school year I must share.
May 14, 1985
“Well, it’s the annual look at the diary and it looks like it’s been a while since I last wrote. A quick update. I graduate from Highline High school in twenty-nine days. I’m Eighteen years old and no, life is not easier at eighteen. I have my own car, a Capri. Attend O.S.C. (Occupational Skills Center) for the Visual Communication class. Work for Doug Fox Travel driving people to and from the airport while also being a ball girl for the Seattle Mariners. I will be going next year to Highline Community College and…..”
– Here. Let me stop. All sounds pretty great don’t ya think? Well… the next sentences alters that sound just a hair.
“…But I am more confused about the love life. …….I have spent the last weekend visiting my best friend and her college dorm life. Now listen, love is confusing. As the song goes ‘I’m Hooked on a Feeling’ after that one weekend and the guy I met there. But I do come to see that I’m to the point where who ever shows any liking for me will win. UG! …I’m on my journey to understanding Christianity and what Jesus can do for me. With my two best friends being religious now, it’s all just kinda weird but I’m learning. . . . . Is living with love important? Do I depend on finding love too much. God will reward me but when? I guess love does not come with a $145 prom dress or dreaming with a slow song. What’s the Answer? I shall write again. Maybe when my questions are answered.”
My next writing was 1 1/2 years later and boy, my questions were sure answered.
January 2, 1987
“How to even begin explaining the past year and a half. The best way to explain is that I got the answer to my last journal writing questions. I am a new creature and will be rocking for Jesus for all eternity! My two best friends aren’t so ‘religious’. We are all Sisters-In-Christ now! Being Nineteen years old, I now can grab a hold of God and leave the world and my hunt for love behind”
Yep – My hunt for love had ended because God showed me that the most important love I could ever find would be from Him. And even then, I didn’t have to hunt for that; He gave it to me. He chose me. He had me first feel what sin truly was. My heart, soul, and mind felt heavy all of a sudden, realizing my sin that had built up those eighteen years. I pleaded for forgiveness. He then had me feel that feeling of forgiveness. The weight felt lifted off. Hard to describe but man, did that feel good! I didn’t then just feel, I knew I was then one of His adopted children. AMEN.
Looking back in my journal, I realized three things.
1- How thankful I am to have those precious memories on paper.
2- Thirty years go by so fast.
3- God gave me the best answers to those questions I had at the end of my senior year.
I wrote a lot more in that day’s writing but this peace you just read is by far the most important. The part that followed, however, is very important as well, being it is the topic of my memoir that, Lord willing, will be in print in the near future.
Romans 15:13 –
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.